


Clear The Slate

by annioe



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Library, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Future Fic, Libraries, Single Parents, Zoevan, kinda planned it but making it up as i go, parent fic no one asked for, there needs to be more Zoevan fics, trying my best to contribute to this ship, zoe/evan is underappreciated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13191237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annioe/pseuds/annioe
Summary: Zoe was eighteen when she found out. She had recently graduated and went to the graduation party. She doesn’t know if that was the worst decision of her life or the best. What she did know was nine months later, she had a baby to take care of. She moves to New York, hoping big dreams await her. She, instead, finds a lost boy, trying to find his own path. Perhaps their paths may cross...[The single parent fic no one asked for].





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my first Dear Evan Hansen fic.
> 
> So, I realised that this is a very small ship. Is it just me? I think I’ve read every fan fic (well almost every) I could find for Zoevan. Luckily I write poorly written fan fic in my spare time and this idea popped in my mind. I’m going to try my best to contribute to this ship, no matter how freaking long it takes me to upload this ship’s fics. Trust me, I cannot have regular updates to save my life. Sometimes updates are between a few days and sometimes it's a few weeks. Yikes. Pray for me.

Her baby was named Sydney. 

Zoe still remembered naming her. Six months pregnant and her brother, Connor, had went to Australia for paid vacation. Before his trip ended, he went to get her a souvenir. A miniature Sydney Opera House.

He returned home and gave it to her. She smiled, fond that her brother had given her something. He wasn’t one to surprise you with gifts or cheer you up when you’re sad. 

He, himself, was a social outcast. 

So, when he got her the gift, it was unexpected. Something out of the ordinary but dear to her heart.

Sort of like her baby.

Graduation parties were always filled with drunk jocks and drugged up socialites. It was normal for an end of year party. Zoe just didn’t know how she turned out to be one of those girls who were described as a hot mess. Her boyfriend at the time led her to one of the bedrooms. One thing led to another and…

It was a terrible decision. She had known that. But she was a dumb teenager, she didn’t know any better. It was consensual. She thought she was on the pill.

But every day after that party she instantly regretted that decision. She knew something was off. She ran the tests.

Nine months later, Sydney was in Zoe’s arms.

Her boyfriend, Trent, tried to help her. He knew this was partially his fault and he tried his best. Unfortunately, it was too much to handle. He left her four months in.

Her parents paid for everything. Cynthia and Larry weren’t expecting grandchildren so soon, especially Zoe parenting. Usually Connor was the one getting into the mischief. But they supported her like any parent would. They weren’t exactly low on cash.

Her brother was the most supportive. Sure, the two never got along but he filled in that fatherly role. He bought her groceries, cleaned her house and helped her medically. All while doing a degree in college. 

After Sydney arrived home, Cynthia obviously cooed at her. In awe, she cradled her and kissed her on the forehead multiple times. She compared the baby’s features to Larry and Zoe who couldn’t help but smile. Thankfully the baby looked more like its mother than its father.

Larry joined Cynthia, complimenting her facial features. Connor was left staring at her, confused on what he should do.  
Connor was the last to hold her. 

“She’s a heavy piece of shit,” he commented while cradling her.

Zoe narrowed her eyebrows together. “Don’t call her that.”

“I’m not calling her fat; I’m calling her heavy.”

• • •

New York was a new start for Zoe.

Far away that no one would recognise her but close enough so she could visit Connor and her parents.

She had moved when she turned twenty-one. It wasn’t ideal but her parents refused to give her any freedom to do anything because of Sydney. Moving out was the best option. 

Her parents agreed that she leave open a bank account so they could transfer her money so she didn’t find it hard to buy an apartment and get a sturdy job.

She never thought being a librarian would be a life-long career but it paid the bills. Plus, something about libraries made her giddy inside. Probably from all the time she spent in her local library as a child.

Zoe was now twenty-four, Sydney being six. 

It was another typical day. Drop Sydney off at school.

“Bye Mummy,” Sydney hugged Zoe tightly before letting go and running off with her friends. 

No matter what, a tiny bit of Zoe cried whenever she saw her daughter go off by herself. She’d never admit it but it pains to see Sydney run off on her own. She had grown up so fast. 

She got back in her car and blasted her music. Jazz music had been her nostalgic choice for today, giving her flashbacks to her jazz band in high school.

Soon enough, she arrived. Readjusting the badge on her shirt, she walked inside. 

•••

It was a quiet day. Not too many came to the library on a weekday and when they did, they usually were in and out within thirty minutes. 

Zoe had taken responsibility for restocking. Sorting things in order was her favourite thing to do. It was planned and everything had its place. No surprises. 

She had landed in the environmental isle when she pulled a book from the shelves to put it back in its rightful place. Instead, she caught eyes with the stranger standing on the other side.

His eyes were a kind blue. They were gentle and almost piecing. 

And he was looking straight back at her.

She didn’t realise how long they had been staring until a book fell on the ground. It snapped her back into reality. 

Zoe bent down to pick it up, stopping to notice the person still looking at her. 

He must’ve caught on with the socially unacceptably long look because by the time Zoe picked the book up, he ran off, back into the long hall towards the exit. She threw the book back onto the cart to see this tall blonde person almost sprinting off. But she was faster than him.

Grabbing his wrist, he stopped. Zoe realising this, dropped his wrist and murmured “can I help you?”

He spun around, red faced like he was blushing. He was wearing a blue striped polo shirt that smelt like flowers. He looked dumb faced before opening his mouth to a splurge of words.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to look at you for that long, I’m so sorry. I was just looking for some books about trees, I love trees. Sorry you’re probably just here to do your job and not hear me blab about trees, I’m sorry again. Oh! And for staring at you, that was my bad. I must’ve put you in an awkward position, you were just restacking books and the creep I am, I looked at you for help but was too nervous to ask and when you looked back I freak! I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

Throughout the entire apology, he continuously wiped his hands on his jeans. He had an apologetic smile on his face and blushed even more red. Zoe couldn’t help but beam at his forwardness.

“It’s completely okay,” she smiled, hoping it’ll calm him down. “No need to apologise.”

“I’m… my bad,” his eyes shifted to the ground while fiddling with his fingers.

She motioned back to the library section she was previously in, “do you want me to help you find that book?”

His face lit up, “very much so, yes.” 

She guided him back to the environmental section and searched for the tree section. When Zoe pulled out a book named, ‘Guide to Tree Species.’

“I think this is what you’re looking for…” she suspended while slowly handing the book to him.

“Thank you,” he quickly took. Zoe’s eyes beamed up to connect with his. He suddenly caught on, blushing intensely and wiping his hands on his jeans. “Oh! You wanted to know my name.”

She nodded, “I’m Zoe Murphy,” sticking her hand out for a handshake.

“Evan Hansen,” he took and quickly shook her hand before pulling it away. He kept wiping his hands because they were sweaty.

“Nice to meet you Evan,” Zoe grinned. He returned a gracious smile and clutched the book in his hands. She pointed to it and asked, “do you study botany?”

He was surprise at her fascination, flipping to a page and point at a picture inside the book. Zoe walked beside him, her hand on his stiffened shoulder. “I actually am a full-time park ranger because I love trees so much. I actually used to be a park ranger back in high school. I broke my arm when I fell out of a tree. My therapist told me that maybe getting a social job will help with my social anxiety, which you can probably see with my constant talking, you probably think I’m really annoying.”

She squeezed his shoulder softly, “I don’t find it annoying.”

Evan seemed to have relaxed, sinking into the small squeeze. He continued with a much calmer tone in his voice. “Pine trees are my favourite. I used to climb them when I could, back when I was younger. That’s how I broke my arm, I was climbing a pine tree,” he showed Zoe he’s left arm. “Then I… fell.” Now his voice was unsure, uneven. Like he didn’t know if he actually fell out of that tree or not.

“Never met anyone this fascinated with trees before,” Zoe teased.

“You must’ve never met someone that’s as interesting as me,” Evan replied almost as playfully as Zoe.

She giggled, which Evan found angelic, and lightly smacked him on the arm. “You’re so weird.”

His face turned into a sad frown. Evan clearly didn’t catch on, “I know, I’m pretty weird.”

Zoe was shocked at his automatic response to doubt himself. He seemed to be a pretty nice person and the amount he fears and worries about himself is astonishing to her. “I was kidding! You’re not weird! Don’t ever think you’re weird.”

He looked at her with such longingness, like he was going to cry. His lips slightly parted and his eyes shone brighter. 

Their surroundings seem to disappear as they continued looking at each other in admiration. Zoe could see the anxiety and fear behind his eyes yet she couldn’t understand why. He had social anxiety, she knew that. But there was another emotion associated within it. Something that seemed so familiar yet, she couldn’t quite connect it with anything. There was a particular look that associated shyness and social anxiety yet they weren’t the same. There was a clear line that separated the two and she could see it. That familiar look made her curious. She had seen that look somewhere, she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

Evan looked at Zoe differently. Zoe was beautiful. Her light brown hair looked soft that he desperately wanted to feel it. Her smile was pure and glowing. Her eyes reflected the glimpse of light that shone in the library that he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her subtle touches on the shoulder and hands made his heart beat double in speed. But she also didn’t seem to worry about him or forget he existed like most people did. She held his shoulder with reassurance, like everything would be okay. It seemed like she had fought her own battles but won victorious. That strength was in her face and touch. It radiated off her. The hopefulness she spread to other people was contagious and Evan could feel it. Confidence was something that seem to come natural to her. She appeared to be broken but hiding that under a more optimistic façade. He knew exactly what that felt like and he guess she could see that in him too.

Zoe was the first to break the silence. “Could you show me more about these trees?”

He nodded almost immediately and sat down at the closest empty table, flipping through pages. Zoe sat beside him, looking at the pictures in the book as Evan told her interesting facts about trees. She didn’t mean to phase out but she’d take slight glances at Evan while he was talking to her and she’d gaze at him in surprise at his confidence talking about trees. He wasn’t nervous like he was when first talking to her. He seemed to be proud at his knowledge on the subject and it reflected through his face and the tone of his voice. She loved the sound of his voice. Soothing and light. 

The hours seemed to pass like minutes as she checked her phone to see it showing the time.

2:45PM

Evan was midsentence when she stood up. He looked up at her, unsure of what was going on. She spoke in a whisper. “I… need to go.”

An ‘O’ shape formed and he nodded in understanding. “I get it… this is pretty boring to listen about.”

“No, no, no…” Zoe quickly responded. “I just…” she hesitated. She wasn't very open about her daughter. She seemed young to be a single mother. “Have somewhere to be right now.”

Evan scratched the back of his head, “totally understand.” He slams the book shut, the sound echoing off the walls. 

“Hey,” Zoe turned to him, “you mentioned that you worked as a park ranger?”  
“Yeah…” he answered, unaware of where the conversation was going.

Zoe bit the inside of her mouth before saying, “maybe you could text me the location of it? I could come see you in your natural habitat.”

He seemed surprised. His face was now scarlet red. “Totally! Let me…” fumbling to get his phone out, he handed it to Zoe and watched as she typed in her number. She did vice versa.

“I’ll text you or something,” she waved her phone at Evan. 

“Definitely,” Evan replied, still shocked by the exchange. “I’ll await your text.”

She smiled at the screen on her phone before leaning in to give Evan a small kiss on the cheek and waving a small goodbye to him. He left his cheek flaming with feeling. He had to touch his cheek to make sure this was all a reality. It could just all be a dream. But it wasn’t. He actually got a pretty girl’s number and she wants to see him again.

Let’s just say, on the way home, he had a bit more spring in his step.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what my update schedule is.

“Where did you go?” Jared sat comfortably on their couch watching some shitty reality TV (his words, not Evan’s).

“I went to the library and borrowed this book,” he showed Jared the book cover but Jared didn’t move.

“And?”

“And what?”

He proceeded to turn the TV off and stand up. He clearly didn’t bother with how he looked today. He was wearing some sweat pants and an old t-shirt with food stains on it.

Jared narrowed his eyes, “you’re standing up straight, you’re smiling, which is unusual when you go outside, your face is red and there’s a lipstick mark on your cheek,” lazily moving his arms to point at the individual features.

Evan went to touch his cheek again. He dropped his things on the small dining room table and ran into the kitchen and looked into the oven’s reflection to see a faint kiss stain on his cheek. He murmurs “I’m never washing this off.”

“I heard that,” Jared screamed from the living room. Evan ran to the sink and washed it off. Instead, it stains his hands so the colour of his hands match the redness of his face.

“Who’s Zoe Murphy?”

Evan sprung up and ran into the living room to see Jared holding his phone, screen lit up. He snatched it out of his hands and saw a text under the name.

 

**Zoe: Hey :)**

 

“Does Evan have a girlfriend?” Jared joked, smirking at Evan’s intense blushing.

He tried shaking it off, “she’s just a friend.”

“Oh, a friend” Jared exaggeratedly laughed. “When did Evan Hansen make friends?” He was only joking of course but Evan still felt embarrassed about it.

Evan quickly typed back,

 

**Evan: Hello Zoe!**

 

“Dude, you do not know how to flirt.”

Surprised, Evan looked at Jared in horror. “I’m not…”

He pointed at his phone screen, “you are. Don’t say hello, you sound like a door-to-door Mormon. Don’t end it with an exclamation mark either, you sound too excited.”

Evan’s eyes switched back and forth, between his phone and Jared’s knowing look. He deleted the greeting and replied with a,

 

**Evan: Hi Zoe**

 

She responded almost immediately,

 

**Zoe: Could you hold for a second? I’m kind a busy now. Sorry :(**

 

“You blew it!” Jared screamed and Evan threw his head back.

“No maybe she is just busy,” Evan tried justifying.

“Girls only say that if she wants to stop talking to you.”

He groaned in frustration. He blew it. Jared was right. Evan was not good at flirting and instead blew people off.

He tried justifying it again but narrowed his eyes, “maybe she’s, I don’t know…”

Jared cut him off, “is she even worth it?”

“What?”

“Like is she even this hot or nice enough to be worrying you this much?”

Evan looked at him like Jared was mad. “She’s the prettiest girl I’ve met.”

“Then like, wouldn’t she be in a relationship or something?”

“I don’t know…”

“YOU DON’T KNOW?”

Jared was stressing Evan out way too much. Was he going to breakdown? Maybe.

“I haven't check social media or anything okay? I just met her like an hour ago.”

Jared laughed at him. Evan felt too many emotions at once. Embarrassed, confused, a little sad. But Jared quickly turned that sadness into stress when he took his laptop and typed something.

“What are you doing?”

Jared scrolled down, clicked a few things and was shocked enough to almost drop Evan’s laptop.

He laughed again, even louder and more panic-stricken than before. Evan scrambled to retrieve his laptop but was stopped by an almost crying Jared.

“DUDE YOU’RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!”

“What is it?” he asked almost having a panic attack.

Jared turned the laptop around for Evan to see. He was on Facebook, Zoe’s Facebook. It was a picture of Zoe sitting with her legs crossed, hugging a small girl that looked like Zoe with the caption. “My baby girl’s birthday is soon! Can’t believe she’d seven in a month <3”

“What?” was all Evan could ask.

Jared took a double take between Evan and the laptop. “Dude, that’s her daughter. She has a kid.”

Evan’s eyes widened. This… this wasn’t hers. Did that mean she’s married? Was Evan trying to get with a married person? Was he a homewrecker? A thousand questions went through his head at lighting speed and he couldn’t feel his hands anymore. They were numb and shaky.

“You’re trying to fuck a mother.”

He was sure his entire face was red. If it wasn’t, his hands were definitely sweaty. “I’m not trying to… do that… with her.”

“Sure,” he gave a wink at Evan before laughing his head off once again.

“I should text her and ask,” he scurried to his phone but Jared was faster and grabbed it first.

“No, what are you, a dumbass? You can’t just ask her…”

Evan nodded and spoke before he could process anything, “okay, yeah you’re right. I’ll talk to her in person.”

“You can barely even get a sentence out to people in public,” Jared pointed out.

Evan nodded again. Maybe she wasn’t married. She didn’t seem to have a ring in the photo. Yet again, some people don’t wear their rings or they lost them. Maybe that’s who was taking the photo.

His heart was beating a million times a minute. He felt like passing out. This was too much to handle. He was ruining Zoe’s marriage; it was his fault. He was the one who led her on.

Taking a deep breath in, “I need to go for a walk.”

 

•••

 

The night air was frosty for late Autumn. He enjoyed the cold. He liked to snuggle up in warm blankets and watch countless TV and YouTube till he fell asleep. He loved drinking hot chocolate to warm himself up. Coffee made him hyperactive and his anxiety greater.

Walking helped cope with his anxiety. Step by step, each step you took made him closer to something. A location, a goal. But he didn’t know where he was walking. He was walking blind.

He ended up at the park, sitting on a bench by himself. It was early but still late enough for the night to be buzzing. People tipsy, trying to act sober walking with their friends to clubs. People returning home from work. More people going to work.

His phone went off several times. Probably messages from Jared asking where he is, what the hell he’s doing. But his phone started buzzing. Someone was trying to call him.

Jared did not call; his mum would alert him before calling and his therapist did skype.

And those the only three people he talked to on his phone.

He pulled it out of his pocket and saw the caller ID.

 

**Zoe Murphy**

 

Evan thought back and forth if should answer it but gave in, tapping the answering button.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” her voice was soft and sweet. Music to his ears. “Sorry I blew you off earlier. I just had something on.”

“It’s okay. If you haven’t noticed, apologising is my thing.”

She laughed, that angelic laugh he loved so much and Evan smiled. But the smile disappeared the questions from earlier started popping into his head.

“Zoe?”

  
“Yeah?” her voice was concerned.

He took a deep breath in before asking, “do you have a kid?”

She fell silent for at least a minute. Evan was about to run. He drove her off. She doesn’t want to see him again after that, might as well do her the favour and hang up now…

“Um… yes. How’d you know?”

He took a sigh of relief that she answered. “My roommate searched you up on Facebook and found some things. I promise it was not intentional.”

She nervously laughed again. He could see her face going red and the embarrassment she was under right now.

Her voice was quiet. “Evan, can you come over to my place? Not in that sense, I think I just need to clear some things up.”

He nodded his head, suddenly realising she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, just send me your address. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

She did as she was told and Evan was off, having somewhere to walk to.

 

•••

 

Just walking into this part of New York, Evan knew exactly that he didn’t belong here.

Him and Jared lived in a small apartment near the subway station and a few restaurants. Zoe lived in the heart of New York. She lived in the rich part of New York. She lived in an expensive building in the perfect location. Close to markets and stores while also being close to the transportation. Could she get any more perfect?

Actually, she could. The doorman helped Evan get to Zoe’s room number. The elevator ride was more of an anxiety trip.

He didn’t belong here. He looked scrappy and the place looked so clean and nice. She probably was rich and had a boujee husband and a nice apartment. She did have a nice apartment. He arrived at her floor and when the doors opened, he was greeted with a full view of her apartment. It was so… expensive. The living room was covered with windows, the kitchen was made of wood, the couches were extremely white. There was a full table with eight seats, a flat screen TV, an office space. It’s like he was at an Ikea store. He walked out in awe, looking around at the weird paintings mounting the walls. Most of them were paintings of landscapes. Beautiful, lush skies and trees filled with ripe, red apples. The TV was above a fire place. There were many picture frames laced around the place. The one he spotted first was on the fire place. He guessed it was a family photo. Zoe was sitting with her child on her lap, a tall man with long brown hair looked at her with no expression on his face and two older men and women.

“Evan,” Zoe’s voice came from behind him.

He turned around to see Zoe in a white robe holding a cup of steaming tea. She placed the tea down on the closest counter and returned to give him a hug.

Evan returned the hug. He wasn’t one for human contact, especially with strangers, but Zoe was so loving to begin with, it’ll be rude to push her away.

“Thank you for coming.”

Evan looked at her. Her makeup was washed off and you could see her face in full beauty. He smiled.

“It’s not like I’m busy, not as busy as you seem to be anyway.”

She blushed. “I’m sorry, today was just jammed pack full of stuff, I didn’t get much time to talk,” she felt her hand fidgeting with his jacket sleeve. She quickly took is back and retrieved her tea. “Do you want some? It’s still hot.”

“Sure.”

Both had hot tea and sitting on the couches he mentioned before.

She started off the conversation. “So, does your roommate always stalk people’s social media or am I special?”

“I don’t have many friends so he’s built up this way of protecting me, I guess. Making sure I don’t mess around with the wrong people,” Evan tried explaining but mostly to make Jared not sound like a jerk.

Zoe seem to accept it, “I see. I’m honestly still surprised you don’t have more friends. You’re adorable, witty, love trees…”

He blushed at her calling him adorable and cracked a smile. “Thanks but it’s mostly due to the fact that, I can’t talk to people. You’re some kind of anomaly.”

Her eyes looked down in surprise. “Thanks Evan. I’m glad you’re able to talk to me.”

“Any time,” he awkwardly spat out. He wanted to tell her how she makes him feel. Comfortable, loved… the word shocked him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked worryingly, reaching her warm hand out.

He shook his head, “nothing. So,” he pointed to the picture on the fire place. “Is that your daughter?”

Zoe looked up and beamed, “yeah. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“What about your husband?”

She looked at him, confused and stunned. “Husband?”

Evan stared at her speechless, “you’re not married.”

She laughed, making him turn red. She continued with, “I’ve never been married. I’m not prepared for that right now. I haven’t even dated for years since…” she paused. He knew she didn’t want to tell him and he was fine with that. But she looked desperate to tell him but was fighting against it.

“Your daughter’s father?”

She nodded almost solemnly. Was he dead? Did something happen to him? These were all questions for another night, he’d already messed up badly.

“That’s a thing of the past though. I’ll tell you eventually, just think it’s too early for a second date.”

She looked at him with hopeful eyes. Placing her hand on his, she squeezed it tightly.

“It’s fine,” he tried reassuring her. She relaxed, softening into his touch. Her hands were so warm that it contrasted with his icy hands.

“Do you want to stay over?” she asked, looking at him with gentle eyes. “I have a spare guest room but I understand if you want to go home.”

“I’ll ask my roommate,” Evan pulled his phone out and quickly threw Jared a text. He read the previous texts Jared had left him.

 

**Jared: Dude, you better not be dead.**

**Jared: If you’re out, get some milk. We’re all out.**

**Jared: and chips.**

**Evan: Do you mind if I stay at Zoe’s tonight?**

 

Within seconds he got a reply,

 

**Jared: r u insane?**

**Jared: if ur trying to fuck then don’t forget to use protection**

**Evan: I’m not… she just invited me over.**

**Jared: gr8. Stay, you’ll get closer to fucking.**

**Evan: SHUT UP ABOUT THAT**

**Jared: ;)**

 

“What did he say?” Zoe asked, trying not to hover over his shoulder.

Evan nods, “I think I can stay.”

She smiled and clasped her hands together, “great.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, a new chapter. If you don't know me, I realise monthly updates because I'm incapable of getting myself to sit down and write another chapter. I need some sort of system for this.
> 
> un'betaed - probably will edit this later

Zoe had fallen asleep on Evan.

They had been watching a movie and by the looks of it, Zoe wasn't into the story.

Her hair scattered across his lap, her eyes shut. She breathed slowly, her chest rising and falling rhythmically.

Evan was too afraid to move. He was scared that he'd wake her up. She looked so peaceful sleeping on Evan that he didn't want to disturb her. 

The face of an angel.

He couldn't help but stare at her in complete awe. She snuggled herself further into Evan, trying to gather his warmth. 

He lost track of all time. He didn't know if it was the middle of the night or minutes till sunrise. But none of that matter. All that mattered was Zoe sleeping peacefully on Evan's lap.

He began to close his eyes.

∙ ∙ ∙

Evan was the first to wake up. The sun shone through the gigantic window next to them that it automatically told him to wake up. He whined at the brightness blinding him but when he looked down, he saw the magnificent sight of Zoe Murphy.

She had moved since he last remember. He mouth was slightly open, drool on his jeans. But the sun shone perfectly on her, the sun creating lines to emphasis her facial features that he adored so much.

Her eyes, her nose, her lips. 

Like on cue, Evan's phone started going off that exact moment. Rushing to pick it up, Zoe turned away from the disturbance. 

He picked up the phone is record time to see Jared calling him. It was also seven in the morning.

Preparing himself for a bombardment of questions, he took a slow breath in and answered.

"Hello?"

"Dude? Where are you?"

"I'm still at Zoe's, I'll be home in…"

"Wait," Jared interrupted, "did you and Zoe…?"

"NO!" he almost screamed into his phone. Clearing his throat, "I'm not like that."

"So let us get this straight. You meet a hot girl, she took your cheek kissing virginity and she invited you over, and you didn't fuck? What the fuck Evan?!" He could hear Jared wheezing behind the phone.

The redness on his cheeks burnt his face. Zoe wasn't like one of those girls. She was nice and not seeking for affection in that way. But what did Evan know about having a sex life. 

Zoe gradually opened her eyes to see a anxiety filled Evan on the phone. 

"Who are you talking to?" she barely whispered, giving Evan the biggest scare of his life.

He fumbled with his phone before ultimately hanging up whoever was on the other line. Evan quickly replied, "it was just Jared checking I wasn't dead, nothing more."

Sitting up, she smirked. 

"What's the time?"

"Seven o'clock." 

Her eyes widened in horror. "Shit! I need to get Sydney to school."

"Sydney?"

Zoe got up, sprinting down the hall and not returning for another ten minutes. She remerged with a new outfit on, brushed out hair and a small backpack in her hands. 

Evan was confused until a small girl with light brown hair rushed behind her. 

She looked exactly like Zoe. The hair colour, the eyes. Everything was almost identical besides the small scar on her eyebrow. 

Just as Evan was staring at this little girl, she pointed her finger at him and shouted, "mommy, who's he?"

Zoe, who was frantically packing this girl's bag looked up. "I wish this introduction could have gone better," she nervously laughed.

"I'm Sydney," the little girl - Sydney - smiled, a tooth missing grin. 

Evan gave her a wave. "I'm Evan."

Sydney put an adorable serious face, like she was trying to solve a mystery. There was a visible lightbulb moment when she pointed her finger at him again. "I KNOW YOU!"

Both Evan and Zoe looked at her. "You do?" they said in unison.

"YEAH!" she squealed in excitement. "You work at the park! I know because I was in the park for Girl Scouts and you were getting trying to return a baby squirrel back into the tree," she smiled too hard. 

Zoe looked at Evan, in amusement that her daughter had known Evan before she had. 

He, on the other hand, was thinking about hundreds of ways to reply to this memory. 

"The squirrel needed saving," he tried justifying, trying not to embarrass himself in front of Zoe. "It fell from the tree, like how I fell." He turned to Zoe, looking for her to remember.

Sydney giggled. The optimism she had was obviously from her mother. Zoe smiled in return, moving into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. 

"Mommy, can we please have waffles?" Sydney begged. She ran up to the kitchen island, climbing onto the bench. Evan quickly got up as well, sitting beside her.

"Do you need any help?" Evan asked shyly. 

She gave him that convincing smile. "The waffle batter is in the fridge. I'll get the press."

He proceeded to roam the fridge for said batter when he pulled a metal bowl out. Evan turned and handed it to Zoe, only for him to brush his hands against hers. He choked, looking at Zoe like there was a problem. As fast as he could, he retracted his hand and wiped it on his jeans. 

Zoe just laughed, placing the batter into the press.

∙ ∙ ∙

They dropped Sydney off at school, retreating back to the car.

"Hey," Zoe whispered, grabbing for Evan's hand. When he realised what she did, he started immensely sweating. 

He started putting words in his mouth. "I should've just stayed home, it would've been better right? Not to make things awkward and this morning. That's weird isn't it?"

"Evan," she demanded. He switch his view up to her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

She laughed, "I was going to thank you for not freaking out. Usually when people find out I'm a mother, they freak out and leave," she scoffed lightly. "Plus I was the one to invite you over Evan. Don't make it weird."

Blushing red for the tenth time that day, he looked back down to their connected hands.

This could be something he could be used to.

∙ ∙ ∙

"So where am I dropping you off?"

"My apartment is good," Evan mindlessly said.

"Sure," Zoe put the car into drive. Pulling into the road Evan had a realisation.

"Crap," he muttered under his breath. Putting the pieces together and almost threw up at the thought.

Jared was back at his apartment and he was going to see Zoe.

Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, it's been so long since I've updated this. I'm so sorry, I'm extremely busy with school (I have a Physics assignment I haven't even started yet and it's due in a few days, yikes) but I'm back with a smaller chapter. I'll try get more updates and chapters in the meantime.

Zoe pulled up to Evan’s house, eyeing it up and down.

‘It was pretty modest’ she thought to herself.

Clearly, Evan was sweating badly. It was visible on his forehead and she could only imagine how much sweat would be on his hands.

“Do you want to come in?” Evan barely muttered out. Why was he so nervous?

“I mean,” she bit her lip, “I’ve got nothing to do today. Why not.”

The cracks were visible in his smile. She planted her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. It seemed to calm him last time but not so much now. “What’s wrong?”

He began mumbling and mixing up his words when finally he blurted out, “Jared!”

“Jared? You mean your roommate?”

He nodded, face flushing red. “I know, it’s pathetic and dumb to be introducing you to my roommate but he’s like family to me… besides my mum obviously.”

“Evan,” Zoe almost screamed, immediately grabbing his attention. She gave him a (hopefully) comforting look. Her hands fell slightly, now resting on his bicep. “I know what it’s like introducing important people, I literally just showed you my daughter,” she snickered. 

“Jared’s just… weird. And I don’t know if he invited anyone over last night because he kept texting me and unbelievably, that’s the most he’s ever texted me.”

She cocked her head. “What about?”

Evan’s entire face turned twice as red. His stammering tripled and the exhaling was getting faster and faster.

“Are you okay…?”

“He texted me that we were going to do the thing but I didn't want to do the thing because you seem important to me now and I can’t just leave it like that, I’ve never had a sex life before and I don’t know what it’s like to have sex, never had it before but Jared kept teasing me about it because he thought I was going to do it with you and pleasedon’thateme!”

Whimpering, he sheltered himself with both arms, on the verge of tears.

Zoe blinked. 

“Eh, Ev?” she breathed out slowly.

Shivering, he looked at her with such distraught that it almost made her cry. This Jared guy was a jerk. She cupped his face, so he could look at her directly. She wiped his eyes with her thumbs.

She spoke tenderly, “I won’t judge you because of some teasing your roommate did. I don’t care if you’ve had previous girlfriends or relationships or what. I care that you’re caring, passionate and loving. So just, let the world fall away for a minute, okay? Let the world disappear for me.”

Zoe watched as his face turned from worry to relief. His eyes lit up and focused on her, directly at her. He licked his lips and nodded. She gave him a soothing rub on his shoulder before proceeding to get out of the car. Evan followed.

They were slowly approaching his apartment until they both stopped at the front door.

Evan fumbling to get the keys out of his pocket, opened the door. Jared was exactly where Evan last saw him, on the couch wearing something slightly better, a Zelda t-shirt and a pair of jeans. 

He turned around and smirked, “Evan. This must be Zoe.”

He got up and shook her hand. It was a strong grip.

“Hi, I’m Zoe,” she returned. “I love your apartment.”

She looked around to see a small, comforting apartment with (presumably) two bedroom doors and a small living space. It was tiny compared to her apartment but she seemed to like it more.

“So,” Jared crossed his arms and looked Zoe up and down, “why are you into a guy like Evan? Not to be rude but you’re hot and Evan’s… well, Evan.” He pointed directly behind her, exposing Evan and his awkward stance. He was red in the face and preparing to hide in the kitchen. 

Zoe just gave Jared a smile, “are you jealous or something?”

“Sweetie, I’m gay. I’m not hitting on anyone,” he smirked. “Plus, my love for Evan is strictly brotherly.”

Evan ran into the kitchen and pulled out a few mugs. The waft of coffee was prominent.

Jared guided Zoe to sit on the couch. She plopped herself down with Jared sitting next to her. 

“So,” Zoe whispered, “what makes you so interested in Evan’s sex life?”

Jared held back a laugh, “with Evan’s anxiety, he doesn’t normally meet people. He has a few close friends but these relationships usually don’t form so quickly for him.” Jared looked at Evan, concern shining in his eyes. He coughed, trying to supress them further down. “Something happened when he was younger and I just don’t want him to go through that again.”

Zoe joined his gaze and sighed. Evan was silently waiting for the coffee to brew. 

What secrets are you hiding, Evan Hansen?

“I don’t understand you,” Jared interrupted.

She raised an eyebrow, “how so?”

“Well, as much as I tease Evan for it, you are way out of his league. Are you using him?”

Zoe almost acted disgusted. “Why would I be using him?”

Jared pushed his glasses, “to boost your self-esteem? To brag about dating a park ranger? What dark history are you hiding?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at but I like Evan. He’s,” she paused trying to find the perfect word to describe the previous day, “special.”

Jared nodded his head in satisfaction while Evan returned with three cups of coffee. He laid them down on the coffee table and sat next to Zoe on the couch. She grabbed her mug and pressed herself next to Evan. He was as warm as the coffee.

Jared, taking a long sip, started a new conversation. “So, Zoe, what’s your daughter’s name?”

Zoe smiled, fond of the question, “Sydney, after the Sydney Opera House.”

“You’ve been to Australia?”

“No, I wish I could though. My brother actually went to Sydney for a business trip and gave me a small Sydney Opera House as a gift.”

“You have a brother? Is he hot?”

Zoe almost spat her coffee back out.

“What?” both Evan and Zoe cried in unison, stunned.

“I was kidding, geez.”

Jared gave Evan a wink.

New subject.

They continued to talk pure nonsense and time flew by incredibly quickly. Zoe started taking a liking to Jared. As much as he teased and poked fun at Evan, underneath he was a brother to Evan. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but Jared really did care for Evan. 

It was around one o’clock when Jared suggested they go out for lunch. He had discovered this brand new restaurant three blocks away so the three decided to try it out. It was a vintage pizza place, with wooden walls and the smell of freshly cooked pizza filled the air. They found a place to sit, close to the window that was decorated with flowers and vines.

A waitress came around and asked for their meal.

“We’ll have one pepperoni, one pineapple pizza, one meat lovers and three glasses of water.”

“Sure thing,” the waitress gave Evan a wink which made Zoe incredibly uncomfortable.

But Evan didn’t even seem to notice.

“Why would you get pineapple pizza? That is disgusting,” Zoe said to Jared.

He just shrugged, “we are not starting this debate.”

She just laughed it off.

Jared wasn’t so bad after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been over two months since I last updated this fic, I hope this chapter gives it a bit of redemption. I'll also be ending it soon (probably because I don't want to bore you with two month updates)

The weekend approached faster than she could imagine and on the way from their pizza lunch, she promised Evan that she’d meet up with him at the park so he could give Sydney and her a tour. She’d rarely been to the park, she usually just went to pick Sydney up from Scouts so that’s presumably why the two hadn’t met sooner. Plus, the park was incredibly big, she felt like an ant on the soft grass.

Zoe had packed a picnic basket and wore the best she could for a park theme. A floral sun dress that was hopefully going to work in the weather. It was somewhat sunny but a few clouds in the sky. Sydney was in jeans and a tee, knowing that she’d mostly be running around while her mum and her ‘boyfriend’ were canoodling. 

Her mum hadn’t had a boyfriend before. Well, there was her father but she hadn't had a boyfriend ever since. Zoe had told Sydney about him sometimes, when Sydney would annoy her into telling every detail. She wish she had known him. She really wanted to know why he left her mother. She seemed fine without him though, and she was happy to see her mother leave the past behind her.

Evan had patiently waited for Zoe and Sydney to come. He had come in his best outfit, a button up polo, pair of jeans and a Sherpa jacket, and waited at his declared entrance spot.

He breathed in every thought and when they got too erratic, he’d try to breathe them out.

_She’s setting you up._

_She doesn't like you, let alone her freaking child._

_No one ever loved you._

Thankfully, Zoe and Sydney arrived ten minutes early, just in case Zoe got lost and needed the ten minutes to find her way. Evan looked up to see Zoe dressed beautifully, he was almost lost for words.

“Woah,” he breathed out with his final thoughts.

“Hi,” Sydney unexpectedly ran up to him and hugged him. She was so short he barely was up to his waist. She just hugged his legs.

Evan, not knowing what to do, hugged her back and said something along the lines of, “wow h-have you grown taller? 

Sydney just giggled and ran back to her mum and pulled on her hand to hurry up.

Zoe stopped in front of him and did her classic half smile. “Hey.”

“He-hello, you look, a-amazing.”

Zoe blushed, pretending like she hadn’t spent three hours that morning choosing what to wear. “You look really good too.”

“Shall we?” He extended his hand for her to take and she wrapped her fingers around his. He looked down and swallowed. His sweaty hands were already sweating, he knew it.

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, telling him to lead the way.

They went down a path only tours were allowed, so he was able to showcase all his plant knowledge. He kept pointing at trees and naming them and the type of family they belonged to. Sydney wasn’t very fond of learning about trees but she did love asking Evan if she could climb them and some of them, yes. Around lunch, the three stopped nearby a lake to have Zoe’s packed lunch. Sydney, eating her meal so quickly, she ran off and asked Evan to help her climb the tree. Zoe watched as Evan boosted her up and she squealed. Evan kept telling her to hold on and not let go. She hugged the tree for dear life and screamed to Zoe, “mummy! Look at me!” Zoe did, and she gave her a thumbs up, taking her phone out to take a photo. Another one for the scrapbook 

Evan returned by her side and rested her head on his shoulder, both of them seeing Sydney having the time of her life.

“So,” Zoe hummed, now playing with his shirt hem, “I love the new shirt.”

“Thanks, Jared chose it for me.”

“Cute,” she ruffled his curly hair and smiled from ear to ear. The two fell silent but it was comforting. They saw Sydney squeal and laugh as she tried not to lose her grip. Evan knew Zoe wanted to say something when her gripped changed and she slowly let go of his hand. “Um, Evan I have something to ask you,” Evan froze and immediately lost eye contact, “so back when I met Jared, he told me something happened to you when you were younger? You don’t have to tell me obviously, I was just curious.” 

“It’s o-okay, I’ll tell you.”

“You don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Swallowing hard, he started to fidget with his hands. “My dad left when I was seven. I was left with my mum and my dad has never called me or met up with me ever since. That’s when I started to get abandonment issues according to my therapist and one year in high school I liked a girl called Maisy. She liked me back and we became a thing apparently. She never kissed me or anything, nothing happened but she ended up using me for some assignment we decided to work on together and she hated me when I finally got the guts to tell my teacher. One thing led to another and…” he lifted his right arm and held back his cries. “She told everyone and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.” 

Zoe lifted his once broken arm and threaded her fingers through his. She could see the scares left from that time. She couldn’t hold back her tears seeing Evan once hating himself so much he’d take it out on himself.

“What did Jared say, exactly?”

Zoe laughed at herself and rested her hands on her knees. “That he doesn’t want you to go through that again.”

“Wow,” Evan breathed out but begun to laugh to himself.

“He wants to protect you Evan, it’s really adorable how close you two are." 

“I mean,” he waved his hand in the air, “he used to kind of hate me but now he’s kind of my brother? In a sense that, he crashes at my apartment, I pay seventy percent of the rent and he orders takeout while I have to cook everything.” 

Zoe crossed her legs, “I mean, my brother is kind of a psychopath to begin with. He was abusive, towards everything especially me but now he’s pretty okay. He helped me raise Sydney when Trent left.” 

“Trent?” 

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. Of course she had to talk about him to Evan of all people. Of. Freaking. Course. 

“Trent’s Sydney’s father.” 

“Oh.” It was a statement, not a conversation. He just nodded his head and looked down.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“That’s okay with me.”

Evan paused and looked over to Sydney who laid on the branch and looked up towards the slightly cloudy sky. 

“You know,” Zoe brought his attention back to her, “Sydney’s birthday is coming soon. She’s turning seven. It just feels like yesterday when she was in my arms at the hospital.” 

“I can only imagine.”

“Do you want to help plan her party? I could really use a hand.” She picked up his hand and lightly kissed it.

Choking on his own words, he simply nodded and gave a clumsy thumbs up. Zoe gave him a full smile and grateful eyes. He was truly amazing. Evan overwhelmed by her beauty, quickly moved in to kiss her. It was short and sweet. Subtle and perfect. As the two pulled apart, Zoe’s lips were left separated as Evan soon realised that he just kissed her.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t of done that.”

“No, no,” she tried soothing him by cupping his cheeks. She loved it. It felt like they were made for each other. She slowly started to lean in again, kissing him effortlessly. Evan slowly started to slide his hand along Zoe’s thigh and up her skirt but Zoe let go and grabbed his wondering hand. Evan looked at his own hand in shock and flung back. 

“I’m so, so, so, so, so sorry I didn't know I was doing it-that, what am I thinking, I should go.”

“Evan, no it’s okay. I liked it. Just, maybe not yet. Especially here when my own daughter can watch us.”

They both looked up and saw Sydney sleeping on the branch.

“Should we get her down?”

“Yeah, probably.”

Evan walked up to Sydney’s spot and slowly picked her up and cradled her back to their picnic location. Zoe, seeing the Evan cradling her baby girl almost made her cry, she could barely blink back the tears but her smile shone brighter than ever. He laid her down along their picnic rug and he took his jacket off and placed it as a blanket.

“How gentlemanly of you,” Zoe snickered and placed a soft peck on his cheek. Sydney’s head rested upon her thigh and Zoe swept all her hair off her face.

- 

Evan carried the half sleepy Sydney home until they approached Zoe’s apartment and he told them he should probably go. Zoe tried convincing him to stay but he declined, saying how Jared needed his help with something that night. Giving him a final kiss, he walked out of the apartment and back home. Zoe was left wondering what the events of that had led to. Sydney was soundly sleeping in her bed as Zoe caught up on cleaning and making dinner. Around eight o’clock that night, Zoe had cleaned all the dishes and was ready to relax when a knock came from the door. It was probably Evan. She gleefully ran to the door, but when she opened it, her face went from excitement to absolute horror.

“Hey Zoe…” Trent awkwardly waved at a numb Zoe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! My tumblr is @annioe and please leave a kudos and a comment :) Thanks!


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